Male or Female

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are
male, because they hold
everything in, but you can see
right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are
female, because once turned off;
it takes a while to warm them up
again.

They are an effective
reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can also
wreak havoc if you push the
wrong buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male,
because they go bald easily
and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a
male object, because to get them
to go any where, you have to light
a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female,
because they are soft, squeezable
and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're
constantly being looked at
and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male,
because they always use the
same old lines for picking up
people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers
are female because, over
time, all the weight shifts to
the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in
the last 5000 years, they've
hardly changed at all, and are
occasionally handy to have
around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably
thought it would be male, but
consider this: It easily gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost
without it, and while he doesn't
always know which buttons to
push, he just keeps trying.

Lesson in Geography

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa -- Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe -- Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India -- Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France - Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain -- With a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel -- Has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada -- Self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet -- Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF MEN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran. Ruled by a prick.

	FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
	PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
	TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
	HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go any where, you have to light a fire under their butt.
	SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
	WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
	TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
	EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
	HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
	THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.